8 November 2016

Dear Love Bugs,

So today is election day.  The candidates are Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton.  Clearly, I am not a huge political person, because this is the first I have mentioned anything political and this election campaign has been going on this whole time that I have been writing to you.  This election will be in your history books, regardless of who wins for 2 reasons: 1) Hilary could be the first woman president of our country and 2)Donald Trump is so aggressively crude.  I'm not going to go into details, because you kiddos will probably remember a little bit about it or will be able to open a history book.  But I will tell you a little about your reactions.  Raymond you are so concerned if Trump goes into office because your friend Hudson said that he will move to Canada if Hilary is not elected.  But you also said that you don't want a traitor as our president.  Rylie, you are too cute.  You are over it.  You have told me that you don't like how its a competition.  You told me tonight that you don't like how mean Trump has talked.  But you also don't like how mean Hilary has been.  I just want to say, I love how innocent you both are.  And yet, both of you were completely right.  There are a lot of things that adults have complicated.  Sometimes they complicate things for no reason, and sometimes the complication is to aid in discerning better.  But your innocence and purity makes me smile.  Tomorrow we will have a new president, amongst many presidents in your life.  But for tonight as I see tuck you kids in, I am happy that you are innocent and that you do not feel like you have to be pressured to choose whats not in your control.

I love you to the moon and back,

Your momma

05 November 2016

Dear Love Bugs,

We have had so much excitement!!  We've had harvest festival, 2 Halloween parties, and trick or treat.  Zara you have started walking.  Rylie you have been doing really really good on your spelling words.  And Raymond you went on your first hunting trip and shot your first gun.  I accidentally erased all of the photos from Halloween, but posted everything to fb and instagram.  (Yes your momma is all over social media.)  However, here are some of the highlights that didn't get deleted.

I love you, scrunchy buns!!!

Love, your Momma

20 October 2016; Thursday

Dear Squish,

You are walking!!!  Last night you took 15 steps in a row.  By the time you read this, you will probably think that I'm crazy for counting your steps.  But yes, I am that mom that count my kids first steps.  When your Kuya started walking he took 7 steps in a row.  When your Ate started walking, she took 10 steps in a row.  And now you at 15 steps.  I will enjoy this very short moment, because I know that once you really get the hang of it, you will be running!!

I love you squish ma-quish!!!

Love, Momma

aka

Dear Raymond Douglas,

Yesterday you have turned 8 years old.  I'm writing this letter to you today because yesterday you were able to spend time with your dad.  I had plans today to take photos of you and I was going to add them along with this letter.  But.....today was the first rain of the season.  So that was out.  However, I will always remember your smile as we sang 'Happy Birthday' to you.  I will always remember your quiet look of awe and excitement as you opened up your gifts.

I don't know why, but this birthday was slightly hard for me.  On one hand I am so excited for you and your growth and all the new adventures you will have.  But on the other hand, I feel like this is your last real birthday as a little kid.  You are maturing so fast and as you do, I realize you are not my baby anymore.  You are probably thinking, "I can't stay a baby forever!!"  And nor would I want you too.  But you are my first baby and there are moments that I will miss.

With all of that being said, I am so proud of the young man you are growing into.  You are so thoughtful.  You are so bright and innovative.  You are very playful, generous and loving.  I am so proud to be your mom.  I am so happy that you are in my life.  I promise I will always be here for you as your mom first and friend second.  And I won't say it in front of your friends or act like it in public, but you will always be my baby.  However, I will respect you at whatever stage of life you are in.  Happy Birthday Big Boy!!!

You're just too good to be true.........

Love, Momma

A letter to my daughters:

You two are the best duo ever!!  Today we got to have a little momma and daughters afternoon date.  We went exploring in downtown Auburn.  Now Auburn is a small little town.  There were two streets we walked up and down and window shopped and looked at art.  I love how curious the both of you are.  Zara you were so feisty, but you also loved laughing and playing with your sister.  And Rylie girl you are so helpful and caring.  I love how when we go through little towns, you like looking at all the "dollhouses" and picking out your favorite one.  Rylie you were so cute when you got to have frozen yogurt and said, "This is a little sweet treat the boys (your brother and papa bear) are going to be jealous about."  And Zara you were so happy being able to have pumpkin yogurt for the first time.  As I drove down the hill, lipsyncing to the radio, I felt extremely proud to be you girls' momma.

I will always sniff your ears,

Momma 

09 October 2016

Dear Love Bugs,

So this past weekend (10/6-10/9) I was completely alone for the first time in I don't know how long.  Ray and Ry it was your dad's weekend to spend time with you two.  And I'm sure you had a great time and I know you both got new hair cuts.  And Zara, my darling, you went on your first plane ride to Venus, Texas to visit Uncle David with your daddy.  

So whats bizarre about this weekend is, I didn't know what to do with myself.  The house was so quiet and still, I couldn't hear myself think.  I had so many thoughts running through my mind of how I would like to spend time with you.  And what I'd like to try to teach you and encourage you on your critical thinking and growing emotionally, physically and mentally.  I have so many plans for you, but always feel like there is not enough time.  But as I am forever trying to improve myself, I hope that that act will spill into continually improving our relationships with each other.

Zara you are home and I can now sleep soundly.  And Raymond and Rylie girl you will be home tomorrow and then I will be able to hear myself think again.

I will love you for your entire lives.  

Love,

Momma

Dearest Rylie Girl,

You are the sweetest and spiciest little girl I know.  While going through your schoolwork I found the sweetest piece of writing you have done:

Now you weren't in the delivery room with me when your little sissy came out.  So I'm assuming that you meant once you saw her.  But that is a very sweet memory for you and I feel so proud and priviledged that you shared it.  Mommy has 3 sisters (4 including your Auntie Rayna).  I have been close to all of them at one point in my life and all for different reasons.  However, now as I'm older I am closest to your Auntie Leasha.  She has been there for me through everything.  She has shared in every important aspect in my life.  Including when you, your sister and even your brother were born.

 I can tell you that having a relationship with your sister will be one of the best relationships you will ever have in your life.  You girls will be the best of friends, even if you don't hang out all the time and even if you aren't close in age.  There will be things that only you two will understand.  You will be able to have conversations without even talking.  Now don't get me wrong..... you will fight and argue.  And at certain points, you may think you aren't close at all.  But you will always go back to each other.  And when you do it will be as if no time has passed.  Because after all, you're sisters <3

I love you to the moon and back and to infinity and beyond,

Momma

Dear Raymond,

You make me smile every day!!  You are my sensitive soul.  My smart boy.  My logic.  You have become quite the "comedian". Every night at dinner you ask me if I know any new jokes (which I never do), but you always have a joke you've learned.  Today you came home from school with "old" sayings.  I can't wait to see what you come home with tomorrow!!! Lol

I love you big boy!!

~Momma

Ray and Ry

My dearest Big Boy and Rylie Girl,

I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you right now.  And how excited I am to have you guys back home tomorrow.  A lot has changed since I originally started this blog.  But what hasn't changed is my devotion to the both of you.  I know that one day you will have many questions as towards why you guys have 2 houses.  And I hope when the day comes, where you ask those many questions, I am able to answer them without creating more confusion.  I hope that I do not let you down in how I answer, because I want to be honest but I do not want to rob you of your innocence.  There have been many times while being your mother I have asked myself if I'm doing everything correct for the both of you.  And all I can say is, I hope that you understand that I do everything for you kiddos and your sister and your Yaba.  So with that being said..... I can't wait to see you guys tomorrow and can't wait to see how your weekend has gone.  I'm sure you have been having a blast with your dad.  

I love you with all of my heart,

Mom

aka

The NICU reunion

 Dear Zara,

Today was the NICU reunion.  

You came into my life with quite a bang.  You were born 7 weeks early than your actual due date.  As my blood pressure was sky rocketing, you were happy as a clam in my belly.  Once I delivered you, the doctors and all of your nurses said that despite how small you were (3 lbs. 7 oz. to be exact), you were so strong willed and determined.  And they were shocked and surprised about how strong of lungs you had when you screamed lol.  Anyhow, you spent 5 weeks in the NICU.  Your papa and I visited you around the clock.  And even your Kuya and Ate came to visit.  (I say 'even' just cause little kids don't usually hang out at the NICU.)  Occasionally, all of your grandparents would come to see you.  As well as, your aunties and uncles.

As I drove down the drive into the hospital parking lot, I had this surreal feeling.  That route had been such a regular and important part of our life for 5 straight weeks.  And of course, once you came home, there was no need to go back.  As I was driving us in, I felt excited and slightly overwhelmed with emotion.  Just thinking of all we had experienced and how much you've grown.  And continue to grow on a daily.

As I write this letter of my love for you, I think about if things were different.  If you had gone full term.  Of course we will never know, but I there's a part of me that would not change anything.  Is that bad of me?  I don't mean that in a way, as if I would've preferred you to come early.  But I just feel like you coming so early, made us get to know each other better.  For instance, I learned early on that you're a fighter and extremely determined.  As I type, I realize that you are probably going to read this and think "Thanks alot Mom".  But when you're done reading, I hope you realize that no matter how much struggle we may have had initially, I'm so glad and lucky to have you in my life.  And would not change that for anything in the world.  I love you baby girl!!!!!

It's been a long time....

Years have passed, but I'm still around.  The scenery has changed drastically and looks better than ever.  Ray & Ry are in school.  I have had another baby, and  Princess Z is almost 14 months old.  My hubby (lets just call him ' Captain America', 'Cap' for short) put a ring on it and I've now been happily married for 2 years, 1 month and 12 days.

Originally when I started this blog, I'll admit I started it to hopefully be like many crafting/sewing blogs:  something to share, but eventually something to generate income.  But now I don't have any type of monetary goal or agenda. But I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, or always, about my kids and their relationship with me.  As well as my relationship with my mother and father.  And I would like to dedicate this blog to them.  And create a some sort of written page for my kids.

I read a meme on facebook (and I forgot to copy and paste) that more of less said this (or this is what I took from it)......'It doesn't matter if your hair is perfect.  Your make up is done.  Or your clothes are perfect.  Just be in the picture with your kids.  Because one day they're gonna want to see you.'  I am a picture fanatic.  And now with social media, I can't stop taking/recording and posting.  And I love, love, love, love taking pics of Cap with the kiddos.  But if and when that day comes when my kids 'want to see' me, or 'read' me, I want this blog to be that.

That makes me think of my mom.  I was a baby, and a kid, and a teen before there were even cell phones, let alone social media.  I actually proudly say I'm one of the lucky ones lol.  With that being said, I embrace that technology is very present in everything we do.  Ok so back to my momma.  Growing up my mom had a whole photo album dedicated to each one of us girls (I have 4 sisters).  And it wasn't just an album with pics placed in them, my mom cut out magazine clippings and newspaper headlines and situated them as captions where it appropriately fit the pic.  (Oh yeah, I also grew up where there were not pre-made scrapbooking packages.)  She put her time, thought and really her heart into every page.  When I think about my album, and I can still see a the first page.  On that page there is a pic of my mom holding me and I was probably the same age as Princess Z.  The pic was a close up and I was wearing a crocheted poncho (probably something my mom made).  The next pic was the whole family at the time (minus my youngest sister) standing in front of the happiest place on earth.  In the pages that follow, there's pics of me at every milestone, pics with my older sisters, my baby shower, pics with my papa, and the list goes on.  It has been a long time since I have looked at that album, and I'm sure there are pics sprinkled throughout of her and I.  But other than the first pic, I can't remember any of the others.

  (Anyhow, before y'all think my mom has passed on, she hasn't.  Both of my parents are very much alive and kickin' it.  But I figured I don't have to wait to say that I think of them or memories of them.)

So by the time Ray and Ry and Princess Z, this blog (hope they'll still be able to locate it.  I'll have to learn how to archive it.) will be like the vintage albums my mom made for us.  Even if I'm not in the majority of the pics.  I want to give them something tangible that helps them remember their memories of their mom behind the camera.